I hate you, you are not my dad. I want to live with another family, A family that does what I want them to do. I hate you. You’re not my best friend.
I'm standing in the doorway of her bedroom listening to the emotionally driven rage my 6-year-old is displaying and firing her toy missiles at me ranging from her teddy to her shoes. The words hurt and so do the shoes.
Behind my eyes is the pain and hurt this makes me feel yet I'm calm, I take the barrage of hurtful words that leave her mouth knowing that it will all be over soon. I want to shout and scream. Not at her but at the situation. The ADHD I found myself to have, diagnosed later in life has been passed on to my baby and it's hurting her, it's hurting me all over again.
I'm tired, angry, and hurt and finding a way to juggle the normal day-to-day activities from work, meetings, school run, and other interaction, putting on the game face that is my normal typical smile and laughing persona, yet behind my eyes, I'm hurting. Pushing the feelings of the latest verbal attack I received to the back of my mind, eager to not let the emotion fall through the cracks of my eyes and be the best version of myself I can be.
It's been a long road, and this is due to the long waiting list to see a specialist to help us. We started the process at the GP and were told “She is not ADHD she needs to change her diet and this will make a big change to her behaviour” We also heard several other medical explanations and offers of guidance such as “Have you tried counting to three and putting her on the step?”
Wow, thank you so much for your help, I never thought to do any of that and have no understanding whatsoever of what my daughter is going through. Searching for answers and putting my everything into it is an ADHD hyperfocus I found myself doing to ‘save her’ and fix her problems that’s all I wanted to do. In doing so my mind tells me that everything will go back to normal, and I will get a happy house back.
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